A few nights ago, I saw this post on That Accursed Platform:
There was more to the post, but the gist was “I voted for the Leopards Eating Faces Party and was shocked that the leopards ate my face.” Which has been a pretty common occurrence, judging by the sheer size of the community that monitors such things on Reddit. And I have to admit, my first inclination is to gloat when someone who voted against my right to life, love, and the pursuit of happiness gets their shit wrecked by the policies they voted for. It feels like karma. And nothing — I mean, nothing — feels as good as saying “I told you so.” Apparently, this woman has been hearing a whole parade of “I told you so” from people on my side.
But “I told you so” isn’t going to win people over to our side. It’s not going to soften hearts.
And it’s certainly not going to save folks lost to the MAGA cult.
I’m the kind of person who learns best by fucking up. It’s just what I do. I need to make a few mistakes before I realize what I’m doing isn’t working. My mistakes are pretty well-documented in this blog, actually. Co-writing an album with AI before noticing my own songwriting abilities atrophying? Dragging my wife to another state to attempt an ill-fated music therapy internship? Those were pretty noteworthy mistakes of mine, and I’ll tell you what I didn’t want to hear upon realization of my fucking up:
I told you so.
Those are the four words people will bend over backwards to not hear. And there’s a reason for that. Let’s get philosophical.
The sunk cost fallacy is basically what happens when you go “all-in” on a bad decision. Your brain kind of thinks “Well, I’ve already committed — it would be silly to back down now.” And that’s why people double-down on choices that are obviously causing more harm than anything else. It’s one reason why we stay in relationships that suck, or invest in a job that sucks, or finish watching a particularly sucky movie, even though we already know it sucks. It might as well be called “the suck cost fallacy,” because it sucks. But we know if we leave the situation, everything will have been for naught and even worse, you look wrong. And no one likes being wrong.
So when people inevitably realize they chose the wrong candidate and things inevitably start going south for them because of it, they’re not going to be happy. And when they hear a cacophony of those dreaded four words upon that realization, they’re not going to go “Oh shit, you’re right,” and join our side. NO. They’re going to double-down on their original opinions, even though they see the cracks.
What do we do instead?
Love. The answer is always love.
Welcome them in. After all, it’s not their fault they were lied to and deceived by shady campaign promises. Make sure they know that. Make sure they don’t feel any of your ire — it’s okay to be mad that they voted against your best interests, but you’re on the same side now. Make sure they know they have a place in the movement. And for the love of God and all things good in the world, don’t say “I told you so.”
I’m sure you’ve heard the poem that begins “First they came for…” by now. What you might not know is that the author, German pastor and theologian Martin Niemöller, was originally a staunch Hitler supporter. But he, like the woman whose story I shared above, felt the sting of his vote after he was imprisoned. Eventually, his heart softened and he felt deep remorse for what he’d done, and he began fighting for good. We could have a whole nation Martin Niemöllers who are fighting alongside us, but we can’t push them away before they’ve even been given a chance. We want to win people to our side. Don’t punish the behavior you want to see.
As the Carrot King continues to make this great nation his plaything, we’ll continue to see more and more people realizing he’s not everything he seems. That’s where we come in — not to say “I told you so,” but to be a soft place to land. When we realize we’re on the same side, there’s nothing we can’t do.
All of us. Together.
JESSA JOYCE 