Thirty Things I Did Before Turning 30

As I write this, I’m staring down the big 3-0. As much as it sucks to put the final nail in the coffin of my youth, I’m a little bit excited for everything real adulthood has to offer (because God knows your twenties are a trial run). I’m looking to start a family in the next few years. I’ll finally have the degree and career I’ve wanted since high school. I’ve heard from several trustworthy sources that your thirties are superior to your twenties in every way. I mean, my band even has a song called “I Fucking Hate My Twenties.” It has to get better from here, right?

But these first 30 years haven’t been wasted. I wanted to take a look back at 30 things I’ve accomplished before age 30. If you’re reading this, maybe you’ve been there with me through some of it. It’s been a wild adventure so far, and, God willing, there will be many more adventures to come.

So without further ado, let’s look back at 30 years of cool things I’ve done!

1. Led a college newspaper as editor-in-chief: Before I was even legally able to drink, mind you. I couldn’t drown my sorrows in whiskey like the EICs of yore. I’m still shocked I got picked over a more mature editor, but I learned so much about leadership and responsibility during that time.

2. Toured with a band: This had been my dream since I was a kid! Although the band imploded shortly thereafter in the absolute worst way, I have no regrets about the experience.

3. Served as senior class president: Albeit I was the only one who ran, but it was still pretty awesome to call myself senior class president after being the school pariah for most of my childhood.

4. Ran for homecoming queen: My future wife and I didn’t make it to the finals, but I had a ton of fun campaigning to be royalty. I mean, our platform was Pokémon.

5. Lived in another state: Well, Florida is basically just tropical Michigan, and it was only for a brief time, but I did experience what it was like to leave the mitten for a minute.

6. Won a speech contest: I’ll never forget winning the senior high school speech contest. I kind of ruled as a senior, to be honest. Maybe I’m one of those “peaked in high school” assholes, but I mean, that year was heckin’ dope.

7. Made it to the finals of a dance tournament: Also a senior year thing. I got to dress like Lady Gaga and choreograph a badass dance routine with a bunch of friends. There exists video of this somewhere on the interwebs, actually.

8. Won a prestigious scholarship: I was awarded the Brehm fellowship for music therapy, which is amazing considering I had to drop out of the program not once, but twice. Hard work and taking care of yourself really does pay off.

9. Sang the national anthem for a sporting event: Well, many sporting events. I was the voice of my high school!

10. Acted in a play: My only foray into theatre was a mediocre school play about a soap opera star, but I had so much fun with it. I basically played the stereotypical dumb blonde, which, if you knew me in high school, was my persona.

11. Starred in a student film: My only other acting credit was a student film about sex addiction, and I was the embodiment of lust. And no, it was not a porno. Trust me, I tried OnlyFans, and I had only one fan.

12. Met a long-lost cousin from another country: The only drunk purchase I don’t regret is the 23 and Me test kit I bought while inebriated one night. It connected me to my family in Britain, including a cousin I became penpals with.

13. Got sober: Speaking of being inebriated, I decided that life was no longer for me and, as of writing, I’ve been clean for about a year. Did you know they make nonalcoholic beer, and it kind of slaps? Why did I ever bother poisoning my body with that alcoholic shit?

14. Tried pole-dancing: And ballet. And a million other things I ended up not being good at. But what matters is that I tried.

15. Started a blog: You’re reading it right now!

16. Produced a four-song EP: Fueled by caffeine and nicotine, my first release under the name Wake Up Jamie, Oceanography, was recorded solely by me. I literally locked myself in my office over spring break and did not allow myself to leave until the thing was finished! You can still find it if you search for us on Bandcamp!

17. Graduated magna cum laude: Or as my wife calls it, “mega cum load.” It’s Latin for “Surprise, I’m actually smart!”

18. Found my furry soulmate: I never thought I could love a creature as much as I love Krubby. I found him wandering around my parents’ neighborhood and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

19. Got married: To my best friend, which has been my dream since I was little. Was I expecting her to be a girl? Not at all. Am I okay with it? Heck yeah!

20. Maintained a beauty & fashion column: When I signed onto my college’s newspaper, I was almost immediately given my own column, which is really freakin’ dope. Naturally, they wanted me to write about looking fabulous because, well, it’s me.

21. Left a toxic church environment: And my relationship with God has never been better.

22. Served as colorguard captain: Basically “cheer captain but make it nerdy.”

23. Got to be Beyoncé: I took over the annual music and dance dinner theatre that year. I was in practically every act, including one where I got to be Beyoncé and sing “Single Ladies” in a unitard.

24. Saw all my favorite bands: Queen, Heart, RHCP, Jimmy Eat World, Bon Jovi, The Maine…I honestly can’t think of any all-time favorites I haven’t seen.

25. Worked with a professional producer: This was a cool experience! My former bandmate knows a guy with Nashville connections, and he produced Wake Up Jamie’s first three songs as a band.

26. Ran a 5k: I didn’t exactly set any records, but I did it.

27. Performed at Arts, Beats, & Eats: Ever since one of the two people in the world I don’t like performed one year, I had a goal to get my own band on that stage. And we actually did it! (She was in someone’s backing band anyways, so I automatically win. Hah.)

28. Became briefly internet-famous with an article about poop: This was the most viewed piece of writing I ever did, and it even spawned similar articles at other colleges. It’s still online, miraculously!

29. Began a fitness journey: I enlisted the help of a personal trainer to get back into shape, and so far, it’s going well. My goal is to get into the best shape of my life in my thirties, and I think I’m off to a good start.

30. Survived!: Seriously, I have so many mental illnesses, I could slap my name on the DSM-V and call it my autobiography. There were so many times I felt like giving up, and yet, here I am, all these years later. I think that’s enough of a win.