ADHD: An Owners Manual (Part Three: The “Why” Board)

The thing about us ADHD folks is we’re natural daydreamers. It’s in our wiring. Many of us are so lost in our own heads we don’t notice what’s around us (or perhaps that’s a “me” problem, I don’t know).

Me, I’ve always loved to daydream about the future. It’s fun for me to imagine where I’ll be in 5, 10, 15 years or so. Of course, I’m at the age where I’ve done imagined myself now. Like, 13-year-old Jess imagined being 30, and in those daydreams, I was Richie Sambora. I am now closing in on 30, and I am still not Richie Sambora.

But I still find things to look forward to. Maybe it’s the optimist in me. Sure, shitty things are going to happen, like, ya know, my parents dying, and my older siblings dying, and all my friends dying (unless I die first, which would also be sucky because, well, being dead). But there’s a ton I still have yet to do.

The thing is — going back to the dying thing — I have this nagging fear that I’m going to die before doing all the things I want to do. Not because life is short, but because my attention span is.

I think a lot about the story I’ve been writing since I was in high school, but could never sit down and write because of my ADHD. Or the music therapy degree I’ve been working on since 2011 but put on hold twice because I couldn’t handle the coursework due to my ADHD. Or the multitudinous amounts of things I haven’t been able to do because of being broke, which mostly circles back to me spending my money as soon as I get it because I like instant gratification because— get this — I’m ADHD.

Everything I haven’t done in life is because of my ADHD.

Maybe this is you. Maybe you have a million things you want or want to do before you die, but it all feels so unattainable. This isn’t just an ADHD thing, either. It’s a human thing. So if you’re reading this and are not ADHD, here’s a tip you can use too.

Create a “why” board. Put pictures representing your ideal life into a collage, and put that shit everywhere. As your lock screen, on your fridge, on your bathroom mirror, wherever you’ll see it daily. This collage represents why you’re doing what you do. These are the reasons you go to work, or study for your tests, or save your money.

“But Jess, isn’t that just a vision board?” Well, kind of. But this goes further than just Pinterest-worthy magazine cutouts. This is your plan for your life. Make it personal. Imagine what your dream house would look like and find it on Zillow. Imagine your dream career and Google the uniform or outfit you’d likely wear. If kids are part of your plan, search for pictures of children that look like you and your actual or imagined partner, which is definitely not creepy at all.

For inspiration, here’s mine:

There’s a little set of cards with inspirational quotes and phrases that came with a set of gemstones I bought to decorate the new apartment with. One of them says “Imagine your ideal self — then start showing up as her.” I put that card in my living room where I’ll see it every day, because it’s true.

You are what you do every day. If you keep eating like garbage and laying around playing Sims all day, that’s who you become. That’s what I was turning into, and my dreams of becoming a music therapist and getting back into shape and eventually buying a house and starting a family seemed so out-of-reach. But I had an epiphany. I wasn’t going to magically become The Best Jess if I kept living the way I was living, and honestly, what a wasted life that would have been!

It’s a hard truth, but you have to choose to suck less, and you have to keep choosing to suck less every day. Soon, you’ll wonder why you were ever living like a zombie to begin with. I picked up my computer to play with my virtual dollhouse last night and put it down after five minutes. It just didn’t seem worth it to me. I had so much more I wanted to do!

Get all the support you need. Get your friends and family on board, especially those you live with. Make that “why” board and show them, perhaps. Explain why everything on it is important to you, and come up with a plan to accomplish those things. Maybe you’re like me and just need to study and save money, and while it seems impossible now, with the right supports, you’ll get there. Take your meds. See a therapist if you can. Do whatever it takes to crawl out of the hole. But the best place to start is by determining your “whys” and letting them stare you in the face every single day.