Tag: queer

Why I Kind of Hate Pride Month

Hi! Did you know I’m a big ol’ gay? If you’ve followed my blog for any amount of time, you’ll know I’ve got a wife and a girlfriend who I love very much (yay for polyamory!). I also identify as nonbinary, as in I like they/them, but I’m still cool with she/her. Basically, I’m queer as all heck.

That being said, Pride Month is kind of a bittersweet time for me.

It’s not that I hate being pandered to by huge corporations. Like, please pander to me; I like the attention. In fact, it’s actually kind of dope that we live in a society where it’s more profitable to be progressive than regressive, even if it’s ultimately all for show. Like, I love Target and I love what they’re doing for Pride, but if they pulled their Pride collection from stores in more conservative areas, it’s clear they’re a fairweather ally. If violence broke out at a Pride parade, Target’s not going to take a bullet for me or my friends, which does suck, but it’s probably too much to ask of even the most queer-friendly corporations. Business is business, after all, and corporations aren’t your friends.

No matter how cute their mascot is.

You see, Pride Month is the time of year when I get constant reminders of how much the world still hates me.

Sure, people are loud and proud about their identities and who they love during the month of June, but it’s also the time of year when the assholes feel the need to shout even louder about how much they “don’t approve of our lifestyles” (at best) or want us to die (at worst). Here are some examples from some of my so-called “friends” on Facebook:

These are some of the more tame ones. I’d post some of the darker ones I’ve seen, but I don’t feel like dwelling on this shit even more than I already have to. I’m talking straight-up genocidal statements and “41 percent” quips. These people want my friends to die. These people want my family to die. These people want me to die. And it’s fucking exhausting. There’s a reason I bought a gun and started working out. It’s dangerous to be queer in this climate.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want the homophobes and transphobes to die, because I’m not like them. I believe in taking the higher ground. Rather, I wish they’d get to know actual queer folks, not just the caricatures and straw men presented by right-wing media. Because to be honest, we’re mostly pretty cool! Like, all we want is to be ourselves with the people we love. We’re not “coming for your kids.” We just want to make sure that, should your kids end up gay or trans, you don’t throw them out on the street like a wad of garbage.

We don’t need special treatment. Honestly, I’d trade Pride Month and all of its trappings to just be treated like a human being. In the end, we don’t give a shit about your rainbow cakes and witty t-shirts. We just want to live.

Pansexual Awareness Day: All Your Burning Questions, Answered

Ask the average person what bisexuality is, and the answer is pretty straightforward — attraction to both genders. This is assuming the average person only knows/cares about the two mainstream genders, although anyone in the queer community knows bisexuals are attracted to people outside the male-female binary.

The underground genders, ya know?

So if bisexuals are attracted to all genders, what on earth is a pansexual? After all, if the common assumption is that bisexuals are attracted to both, then pansexuals are attracted to all, including nonbinary people. But, like I mentioned above, the definition of bisexual has expanded to include nonbinary people as well. Pansexual is just another word for bisexual, then, right??

(Have I lost you yet?)

Today is Pansexual Awareness Day, and I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’re likely aware of me, a pansexual. Although I sometimes describe myself as bi (usually when I’m talking to older folks or want to associate myself with bisexual icon Freddie Mercury), I view my sexual/romantic orientation as mostly in-line with pansexuality. Bisexuality and pansexuality can be considered interchangeable, but there are some important distinctions you should know about. Here are some common questions I get asked. Let’s get the obvious out of the way.

Are you attracted to skillets?

I am not attracted to skillets, although I am attracted to Jen Ledger, the drummer of Skillet.

HIT ME WITH A FREAKIN TRUCK

So you’re attracted to guys, girls, and enbies?

Well, kind of! You see, I’m not attracted to a certain gender or sex, per se. From what I understand, bisexuals are usually into peen and vageen. For pan people like me, the plumbing is irrelevant. If I like you, I like you!

You really don’t care about a person’s junk?

Not really. Genitals don’t really turn me on. I think there are more important things to consider when starting a relationship with someone.

Like?

How good they are at guitar? Kidding! (Mostly.) I do have preferences, looks-wise. But I consider sexual/romantic compatibility to be separate from gender.

You’re attracted to everyone?!

Absolutely not! It’s a common misconception that bisexuals and pansexuals are into everything with a heartbeat. Like everyone else, I have preferences and certain people I’m more “into” than others. Don’t assume I’ll sleep with or date just anyone. I’m actually pretty picky!

What is panromantic?

Panromantic people are romantically attracted to all genders. A lot of times, it goes hand-in-hand with pansexuality, but they’re technically different things.

Are pan and poly the same thing?

Not at all. While you can be both (and there is quite a bit of overlap), poly people have more than one partner or are open to the idea of having more than one partner. You don’t have to be pan to be poly, and you don’t have to be poly to be pan. Lots of pan folks are content with monogamy, and that’s okay too!

When did you know you were pan?

I think I’ve always known, to an extent. I liked guys (a lot), but I also realize I had a lot of “girl crushes” as an adolescent as well. I just didn’t recognize what they were until I learned what “gay” meant, and of course growing up in a conservative evangelical church, I squashed that part of me pretty quickly. I “experimented” in college because I thought that’s just what girls do with their female friends, and I realized I wasn’t very particular about what gender or genitalia my partner had, as long as they were pretty and nice (and musically talented). I finally came to terms with it when I noticed I’d rather be hanging out with my best friend than my own husband, and I came out when my old church announced a conversion therapy program for teenage girls. I knew deep inside I was one of those girls once, and I wanted to stand in solidarity with them. So I came out publicly as pan and haven’t looked back.

Well, this has been enlightening.

Thank you, unnamed theoretical person asking me these questions! And of course, if you have any other questions, feel free to drop them in the comments. Happy Pansexual Awareness Day!

ARE YOU AWARE OF ME YET?!

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