It’s amazing how fast things turn around when you’re actually following the path the universe wants you to follow.
This time last week, we were in an AirBNB in a nowhere town on the Indiana border with no prospects as far as apartment-hunting goes and little going on job-wise. My wife Crass was working a dead-end apprenticeship that had her answering phones and not doing much else. I was a music teacher in name only, since I couldn’t recruit students fast enough to pay the bills. We were running out of money fast. If something didn’t change, we were going to end up having to move home with our parents — or worse, on the streets.
Then, Crass suggested something wild.
“Let’s go to Kalamazoo.”
And it made sense. We’d toyed with either Kalamazoo or Chicago in the past, and Kalamazoo seemed like the best choice. It’s in Michigan, so we wouldn’t have to change our hard-won Medicaid insurance to another state. It’s also conveniently almost equidistant from Detroit (where our parents live) and South Bend (where my other partner, Olivia, lives). There’s a robust art scene, and Western Michigan University is there, so I can go to grad school when I’m ready. It seemed so perfect, something had to go wrong.
But it didn’t. In fact, as soon as we decided on Kalamazoo, things started falling together. We found an apartment complex that wouldn’t judge us for not having any recent paystubs and would give us a chance based on credit history alone. And it turned out to be a three-bedroom townhouse bigger than anything we’ve ever rented before! Crass will have space for her art and merch manufacturing machines, and I’ll have a room for a studio and all my instruments. When we went job hunting, Crass almost immediately lucked into a managerial position at an office supplies store, and I managed to impress the folks at Guitar Center enough that they’ll likely hire me on in the next few days. I also have an interview for a dispensary coming up next week. Gotta capitalize on Michigan’s weed-friendliness, ya know?
I was excited to start a life in the Michiana region at the suggestion of Olivia, but the truth is, not a lot is going on as far as the Michigan side goes. I love South Bend and Mishawaka — but I can’t live there without losing my insurance (and the protection of Big Gretch, who recently posted a video in support of the queer community). Nothing was working out there, and I was languishing without any direction. I’m still mourning the fact that I won’t be able to see my darling Olivia every day the way I’ve gotten used to these past few weeks, but I need to be somewhere where I can be the best version of myself. For me, and for her, and for Crass, and for our future family.
This has been a rough year. We dropped everything to move to Fort Wayne for an internship that didn’t pan out, and I found myself reevaluating my entire trajectory when music therapy turned out to be something I couldn’t see myself doing my whole life. When that failed, we retreated to that AirBNB in hopes of starting anew. When that failed, I almost lost all hope for the future. I didn’t think I’d ever get the career and the family I’d dreamed of. I was in a dark place. But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m pretty sure it’s not a freakin’ freight train this time, because I’m sick of getting run over again and again. I’m actually excited for this new chapter and what is hopefully going to be some stability in life. I’ve been so stressed with all these twists and turns lately. I even got my first gray hair!
In other words, I’m cautiously optimistic. I’ve been burned too many times these past six months, but as my therapist always says, “What if it all goes right?” This next step is exactly what I need. And I hope you’ll all be there to watch me finally thrive.
JESSA JOYCE 