I’m a Pisces through and through. Not like I necessarily believe the position of a bunch of gas balls a bazillion miles away had anything to do with my personality, but I feel like the Pisces label fits me eerily well nonetheless. Over-emotional artsy-fartsy weirdo” is too many syllables anyways.
Another characteristic that comes with the territory is the love of all things aquatic. We Pisces love water — being in it, or even just being near it, brings us a kind of primal joy. We’re fish, after all. It’s our natural habitat, and having grown up in Michigan by a river, it makes me feel at home.
With all this in mind, you’d think I’d be a natural swimmer, right?
This morning, I decided I’d swim some laps in lieu of my normal morning workout. Typically I go to the gym at like, 5 in the morning, when no one but the craziest fitness fiends are there. The pool’s usually pretty dead at that hour.
Usually.
I get there and there’s two other people — a man who looks slightly older than me and a woman who looks slightly younger than me. And they clearly know what they’re doing. The woman even has the full swim cap and goggles look going on, and they’re both breaststroking from one side of the pool to the other at lightning speeds. Me, I dip my toe in and start my meager doggypaddle to the other side, while Michael Phelps and his little sister swim literal circles around me.
At first, I was a bit self-conscious. Clearly I had no idea what I was doing. I never learned to properly swim. In fact, I got kicked out of swim lessons as a child, probably for my then-very-undiagnosed ADHD symptoms. I mean, I got kicked out of ballet, tap, and gymnastics for the same reason. (One-on-one guitar lessons were the one thing I couldn’t get kicked out of, but that’s a whole other story.) But all I know about swimming, I learned from jumping into the pool at my childhood home and splashing around with no motive or goal in mind, except to have fun.
There’s nothing wrong with striving to be the very best at stuff, but I feel like we devalue the idea of doing something just because you like it. We live in a world that screams at us to monetize everything, to use our free time to hustle and find hobbies that will move us ahead in the world. I’d normally agree with that sentiment, at least somewhat. It’s helpful to find something you’re good at and to be able to make a little extra cash with it. But we forget that life’s about more than just making money and flaunting skills. Sometimes, you simply gotta jump in the water and do what your body tells you to do, even if the form or technique isn’t perfect.
The word “amateur” is often used as a derogatory term for “person who sucks at a thing.” No one wants to be an amateur, right? But the thing is, it’s not supposed to be an insult. The opposite of amateur is professional, or a person who does something as a profession. I’m a professional musician, for example. I use my skills as a vocalist and guitarist and make (an abysmal amount of) money. When I create music, I’m thinking in terms of how I can market this new single, or how I can fit this new song into our set list, or worrying about a plethora of other things that could affect the trajectory of my career.
When I paint, though, I paint through the eyes of an amateur. Sure, I know the basics of mixing colors and mediums and paint thinner, but I’m not exactly the next Picasso or Dali. And I’m fine with that, because I’m not painting professionally. I’m painting because the act of painting relaxes me. I’m painting because I get a sense of joy from it. I’m painting because, well, I just love to do it. That’s where the word “amateur” comes from. It’s French for “one who loves.” I’m an amateur painter because I don’t do it for compensation or recognition. Rather, I paint because I love it!
That’s what I kept in mind as I swam my measly five laps this morning. I’m not training for the Olympics. To be honest, I don’t work out at all for any good reason. I just love the act of working out. I love the rush of endorphins, and the way it makes my body feel, and that moment of solitude I get doing cardio in the morning before work. I’m not an athlete. I’m an amateur. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
So the next time you feel discouraged because you suck at sometime, take a moment to evaluate why you’re doing it. Are you doing it because you want the fame and fortune? We live in this capitalistic society that teaches us there’s no value in something unless we’re using it to make money. But embracing being an amateur is an act of defiance against this system of belief. It’s punk as hell.
As kids, we sing, dance, paint, run, and swim without worrying what people think of us. These things come naturally to us as human beings, and we only stop because society says we’ll never be good enough at them. I challenge you to pick up that paintbrush or jump into the water. Whatever it was you used to love doing, whatever it was you stopped doing because you sucked at it, try your hand at it again. Don’t compare yourself to the professionals. You might never make money doing it, but that’s okay. Just do it because you love it.
JESSA JOYCE 